Caught in the trap

Why is it that, even though I recognise how shallow and petty and materialistic most of the concerns of westerners my age are, I always seem to find myself getting caught up in them?

I don't need to explain to anyone reading just why materialism is so wrong, how we are conned into thinking that buying posesions is the route to our happiness. I don't need to articulate how ridiculous it is that the female natural form is considered grotesque, that we feel the need to shave it and trim it and paint it over. In fact it makes me downright angry and frustrated when I can see how utterly screwed this mindset is and yet how deeply embedded it is within us. So why, even though I know it's wrong, do I find myself subscribing to it? Why do I get so carried away with clothes shopping that I actually feel upset if the dress I want doesn't fit me, or if I can't afford it? I know that it's just a piece of material, that it won't change my life, and that I shouldn't give a fuck in the first place. But still I get caught up in it all. And why, when I have eczema flared up and thus cannot shave, do I not want to let my bloke see me naked? In fact, why am I actually more concerned about my pubic hair in full growth than I am about the itchy painful rash? All this does is create a conflict within my own mind, where I'm constantly scolding myself for my thoughts and desires, yet my desires sometimes the better of my. And then, once I've indulged, I'm left feeling guilty and frustrated at myself.

As a feminist, this is the biggest problem I seem to encounter. The fact that sexist attitudes are so deeply embedded in public consciousness that sometimes people cannot even recognise why they are sexist. Or even when you can see what's going on, you still find yourself imposing restrictions upon yourself, find yourself kepping you and your body in-line. I thik that, truly, all of us want to break free, but just feel like we can't. When you come face to face with your enemy, it's pretty difficult to fight them when you realise it's your reflection.